'craig hazen' is my friends

So, 'craig hazen' said he doesn't find my last post amusing. I don't really believe it's craig hazen, although there's no way to prove it. I guess if i got an email from him saying it was him i'd believe it was him, but as of now i think it's one of these people. They're known to be shady characters with sketchy pasts.

either way, having this as a comment is pretty funny.



So, if it's really craig hazen that read my blog and commented, i feel real special. and you need to lighten up.

and if it is one of the people i mentioned above, it just goes to show that my friends are bad people.

CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT

Due to my illustrious roommates' rise to fame within the biola apologetics department, i thought i'd try to get a piece of the action.

As a result, this blogpost will be entirely devoted to CRAIG HAZEN, and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT. I don't really know much about CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT but that doesn't really matter. It's enough that i know how to spell CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT, because spelling CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT is enough to get me noticed. You see, i was told bby my roommate that there's this guy witht he solejob of searching on the internet for CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT to see what people say about them both, respectively. While googling images of CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT might find you interesting picture like this--

I don't think it qualifies as a real job. Now, what CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT do is a real job. Because, through their work, they keep the cause of christendom alive. CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT have discovered numerous ways of doing this including http://www.soulstretch.org/

in which your soul is stretched like sillyputty in the hands of a child in order to make a 'little more room for God. after all, he's pretty darn big."

But enough of CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT, i can't think of anything else to say about them.

well, CRAIG HAZEN and the BIOLA APOLOGETICS DEPARTMENT, i hope you find this. and i hope it makes me famous. real famous. almost as famous as i made you through this blog. I have about 12 readers a day. booyah.

Ode to Baldness

hair's hot in the summer
all covered in sweat
in the cold it's a bummer
when it does get wet

it's flat or it's straight
when you want it full
it's like taming a kite
or flying a bull

it takes so much time
to do every day
to wash and to dry
'timewaster' I say

you have to buy stuff
to put in your hair
to make it less tough
to make it more fair

you have to buy things
that go in your hair
things for the spring
to match what you wear

they say chemo sucks
cause you lose your hair
but i say 'aw shucks'
hair sucks!

Me, in 40 years.

i think this whole bald thing could work for me.

The Uncle

My mom comes from what psychologists would call a 'dysfunctional' family, but most normal people would refer to it as 'hella screwed up'. Given this, i've never met most of her extended family. until this week when her brother came down from sacramento to stay with us for the weekend.


Marc. with a "c". about 6'2", dark hair, stylish with his CK jeans, vonzipper sunglasses and soulpatch, marc really thought he had it going on. Exuding faux-intellegentsia with his blue like jazz/velvet elvis pop psychology and self-help book cliches strung together like red macaroni on a third-grade necklace, marc had the answer to every one of your problems.

That's because he was connected to the energy.

"People's personalities don't make for tense or awkward situations," he would say, "it's their energy."

"as soon as i walk out of this room, even outside this door, it feels different. You know why that is?" marc would ask, his voice getting higher as he became more and more excited with the sound of his own voice.

Not really wanting to get into this conversation because he probably wouldn't shut up, i weighed the repercussions. It couldn't last forever.

"because you're gone?" I replied.

"No! It's because my energy is gone!" He continued, "I knew this girl, horribly negative girl. Never had a good thing to say about her office. everyone else was dumb and she was the only smart one. So I asked her, 'you think your office is like this when you're gone? Cause it's not.' She didn't recognize the negative energy she was bringing to the office that was throwing off the harmony of the building."

He also saw God in everything and everybody. As long as he didn't really know them. Cause once he got to know them, they had the chance to diagree. When you hand a bum on the street five dollars cause you see God in them, it's not all that hard. They think you're amazing, not gonna turn you down. When you've actually got to build some sort of relationship with a person, they're gonna see you're flaws. And marc hated that. no one he actually knew was godly. no one else was getting anything right, just him.

it made for a tense weekend. in the words of my very own mother. "The only word i can think of to describe marc is ASS, in all caps."

Relatives are real?

"Ryan, can you check the aol mail from school? There's pictures of your uncle and his family on there."

"Strange. I'm not sure if i can, i'll have to check, and since when have we been talking with uncle Tim or uncle John?"

"Uh, Mark, actually."

"who's that?"

"well, turns out i've got a half-brother. He's 5 years younger than i am."

"..."

"And ryan, make sure you're home by 6 on friday, he's flying in from sacramento. I'm feeling down cause the chemo and he seems pretty intense. nice guy though. And you're sleeping on the floor in your sister's room cause he's getting the bed."

"uh, ok. So you're saying i've got an uncle on your side of the family i never knew existed?"

"Yeah, and we're going to your great grandma's on saturday, she's bringing the whole family over."

"Grandma Lakowski?"

"No, my dad's parents."

"They're alive?"

"Yeah, i've got a sister too, and a whole bunch of cousins and stuff. They're all gonna be there saturday."

"crazy."



Moral of the story- just say no to drugs. Or your future grandchildren might not realize they have relatives until they're 21.

Take that, fishy.

I got in a fight with a fish today. i'll let you decide who won.